xxx

 Hello peeps! 

 

People keep advising me to do the medical check up, to meet doctor. But I don't have courage to do so.

Why? Because I'm afraid of the result. I'm afraid I can't accept the result. Life is a gamble. I choose to going through this pain rather than seeking for help. Gambling much is it? Everyday I faced the same pain. From the back to the bottom of my leg. Aches, sore, numbness. Consuming painkiller also doesn't help in reducing the pain. I don't want sympathies from people around me. I don't want to look weak in front them. So, I rather keep my happy face and pretend I’m alright. Just fine. Actually I have been to doctor last year. But now I gave up! I see lots of my acquaintance fighting with their pains in this young age, cancer mostly. That's what makes me afraid. I don't have the courage to face the result. So, it is better for me to not knowing it. I'll fight in my own way. But last night, the pain worsening. I’ve been to physio on the afternoon, the therapist advices me to review back with doctor as my condition was worsening. Hence, I go to the emergency department and straightly being admitted in the yellow zone. Fuck life! They gave me painkiller thrice but the pain still there. Going through some procedure including x-ray. Waiting for hours and hours. Lastly, I just pretend I’m fine in front the doctor and finally she discharged me. Same old me, hate waiting and keep pretending. Haha! -db