Silence prayer

I won't forget it,

I won't forgive it,

An eye for an eye, 

I really hope you also will get it, 

What you give surely you'll get back, 

But I really hope you get it terribly back, 

And won't find your happiness,

That's my pray for you,

Perfectly sealed. 

Hello October...

 

Hi readers,

It has been a while I haven't write anything here. I've got some draft but nahhh, not the right time to publish it yet. Currently, our country are struggling facing the third wave of the pandemic. I don't want to put the blame to anyone, what I can insist is - PLEASE DO NOT DISREGARD THE S.O.P!; and I really hope the current situation will become calmer. (Let's pray for it!) And me also being struggling to face the reality. I took me a while to digest the information provided by the doctors to me. I have undergo my MRI test, so far the result is there for my knee problem. However, I still not know the condition of it but unfortunately something happened in between. My doctors asked me to undergo the xray scan again one more time.. and wallaaa~ there's the result! I've been diagnosed with 'Prolapsed Intervertebral Disc (PID)' or also known as slipped disc. I still haven't inform my family members about this as I also don't know how to tell them. What I can do for the mean time is taking the medicines everyday for the next three months until my next appointment and we shall see what the doctor will prescribed. I can't keep this secret to my self as I need to speak about it but I don't know to whom shall I tell it. So, here I am, writing about it here. Let's find the courage and be bold then!

 

dygbedt❤

Those three things

Three things, 

Those three things,
Three things you can't joke with.. 
Three things that you joke does mean you meant it,
Marriage, divorce, return (get back with).

"Dari Abu Hurairah, katanya: Rasulullah SAW telah bersabda: Tiga perkara yang dilakukan dengan bersungguh-sungguh dianggap bersungguh, dan yang dilakukan dengan bergurau (main-main) dianggap bersungguh-sungguh, iaitu NIKAH, TALAK dan RUJUK"

   [Riwayat attirmizi, abu daud dan ibn majah]

Never jokes on wanting for it,

Never promise for it if you don't meant it, 

Never speak about it when you not serious about it,

Because once you said it,

It is a real thing; a real deal. 

we all know who this is about

"I think it might be best
if we just stop,
because we always do better
when we don't have to talk..." 

#freedom 

 

Lost what I never had

Losing what you never had
Might still be the worst thing that could ever happen,

Cause once you lose what you never had,
you never stop contemplating "what if you had it",

and though you know what your heart wants,
You'll never do it because it wasn't yours to begin with.

 

-The Withered Soul

 

Seronok study di UM?

Greetings everyone!

Last week, result UPU untuk sesi pengajian 2020/2021 telahpun diumumkan. Macam biasa, yang dapat tawaran sambung ke uni tu mestilah dok gigih search tentang uni/course yang ditawarkan kannnn.. First of all, tahniah yang dapat tawaran untuk melanjutkan pengajian. So, this post I will talk about seronok ke sambung belajar di UM ni??

Okay untuk adik-adik semua, di mana pun uni kita ditawarkan sebenarnya seronok je. Up to us, how to make our uni life great! Di UM ni best, sebab semua fasiliti sudah tersedia. Dari kita je sebagai pelajar, nak manfaatkan atau tidak. Tapi rugi la kalau tidak memanfaatkan kemudahan yang disediakan. All of that already being included in your fees ye!

Wifi - almost everywhere in UM got this service. 

Shuttle bus - free ride to all UMians, dulu masa zaman saya tahun pertama dan kedua, siapa nak naik shuttle bus ni kena beli kad bas. Now free ye!

Library - Library UM ni provide banyak service. Kalau nak list satu-satu, memang panjang berjela la. Oh ya, now ada servis Library 24h juga. So yang kaki study tu boleh la study di library sampai lewat malam.

Exchange programme - Yang ni kalau nak join exchange pergi Negara lain, rajin-rajin la kunjung ke International Student Centre (ISC). idk now masih kena panggil ISC or dah ada nama lain.

Kemudahan rekreasi - Okay kat UM ada tasik kan. There you can rent kayak (I don't remember berapa, mcm RM1 ka RM2). Got outdoor gym facilities juga. Yang suka hiking, boleh la try naik bukit palapes/bukit cinta or bukit simen. Last time got, bicycle rental service. Now, tak sure la masih ada or not.

UM ni sentiasa ada bermacam-macam event dianjurkan. Festival seni, aktiviti-aktiviti kolej, sukan mahasiswa, aktiviti anjuran HEPA. Tinggal you guys choose je mana yang korang nak join. I participate almost all of the uni events. Syokkk! Tapi jangan lupa pula untuk bahagikan masa korang untuk study dan beraktiviti.

Oh ya, another plus point. UM ni senang nak access guna public transport. Naik je bas rapid KL, dia hantar ke LRT KL gateway Uni. Naik bas ERL, dia hantar ke station ERL. We all dulu, ada je free time, ke mall je la kerjanya. Tengok movies, jalan-jalan, makan-makan. Pernah juga la lepas kelas pagi, me and few of my classmate pergi ke mid valley tengok wayang before our next class yang sebelah petang. Mengisi masa lapang katanyaaa..

So, adik-adik sekalian. Kat uni nanti, pandai-pandai la bawa diri. Berkawan je dengan semua orang. Dari fakulti lain ke, dari kolej lain ke. Okay, selamat belajar lah bakal mahasiswa sekalian.

Cheers!

 

He'll Never Know

I want to run, I want to hide
From all the pain he caused inside.
I want to scream, I want to cry.
Why can't I tell him goodbye?

I want to move on; I just can't let go.
I love him more than he will ever know.
I want to start over, I want to feel free!
But this pain will never leave me be.

He hurt me bad; the pain is deep
From all the promises he couldn't keep.
All the lies I heard him say
Are in my head and just won't fade.

How can I forget him, leave him behind?
Erase the memories from my mind?
He doesn't love me, and he never will.
He will never care how I feel.

~a poem by Jennifer

Spouse? Choose it right!

Hello readers,

As promised before, I will write about the list/guidance from Islamic perspective in selecting your partner (you can read here about 'Sekufu'). **Disclaimer** This info I extract from the book 'Memasuki Gerbang Perkahwinan' given by JAKIM when you registered for marriage course.

You may choose whoever you want to become your spouse, but the best of the best is to follow the guidance enlisted by our religion. Why? this effort may (insha Allah) memastikan rumahtangga yang dibina mendapat keredhaan Allah. No harm for not following, bukan wajib pun ikut, cuma sebaiknya lah dan amat digalakkan.

Kriteria pemilihan calon Isteri ~

Agama > Keturunan > Kecantikan > Harta

Dan ada satu hadis ni sebut begini:

"Dikahwini akan perempuan itu kerana empat perkara: Hartanya, Keturunannya, Kecantikannya dan Agamanya. Maka pilihlah dari kalangan mereka yang beragama, nescaya kamu akan selamat." (Riwayat Al-Bukhari & Muslim)

It is clearly mentioned that, elok agamanya eloklah orangnya in this hadith. So the other points tu macam supporting factor to be taken into consideration kot. But, not all women out there without agama yang elok is not good enough. Maybe hidayah tu belum sampai dekat dia. Tengok la, kalau dia senang terima teguran, ingin berubah perlahan-lahan, okay la tu kot. Okay, so here are the bonus criteria:

1. Anak dara
2. Berakhlak mulia
3. Keturunan yang ramai anak (for the sake of supaya ada yang menegakkan syiar Islam kot)
4. Perempuan yang tiada pertalian keluarga yang dekat dengan anda

 

Enough with the list of choosing a girl to be married of. Now, we look into the criteria of selecting the husband pula!

Kriteria pemilihan calon Suami ~

1. Menghayati agama
2. Memiliki akhlak mulia
3. Mampu memimpin keluarga
4. Suami yang sekufu

Agama dan akhlak menjadi dua tunjang utama dalam pemilihan calon suami. If both of the aspect are not being taken into consideration, might be the marriage turns into a nightmare. However, family blessing also the other key that need to be taken into account. Restu ibu bapa ni terpaling penting juga supaya bukan sahaja rumah tangga yang bakal dibina harmoni, anda pun hidup bahagia girang ceria bersama keluarga anda dan keluarga si dia. Jangan asyik tengok yang elok rupa je ye! Kalau dapat rupa yang elok tu, Alhamdulillah la..

I am not a pious person also, I'm still learning and also his servant like you.
Peace out,
dayangbedt

 

 

 

Achievement & Graduation

A compilation of my graduation and achievement pictures.

 

WARNING!!

This post may seems like I’m showing off, but this is my blog. So I have the right to post whatever I wanted to. BTW, to make it clear, it is not showing off. It just me, want to appreciate myself and look into my achievements (so far). Something to be remembered~

 

British council class at age 6 years old

- seating Young Leader exam and got flying colours~

 

Sunshine Nursery School

-always score A and B only in my kindie achievement 

 

SK Tanjung Aru 2

-something that to be remembered and can be proud off - me always achieved Top 3 in exams! Tiap tahun wajib naik pentas berkali-kali terima anugerah

Sekolah Agama Masjid Negeri Sabah

-Tokoh Pelajar 2005 (perempuan)

SMK Agama Kota Kinabalu (2006 - 2010)

- I have choose bad path in the early phase of my highschool life, but gladly I know my ways back. Merasa la juga naik pentas terima anugerah~

Liverpool John Moores University 

- CPD Programme in Facilities Management 2014, I scored good result tho for the exam. 

Al-Maktoum Summer School Programme 2016

-be chosen as one of 5 students from Malaysia to attend this programme. 

Built Environment Undergraduate Research Competition (BEURC) 2016
(I have secured 1st Place 🎉)

RICS-RISM Golden Award 2016 (Best Student - Building Surveying)

Bachelor of Building Surveying with honour

(Top 2 in class)

"Dream big, have target, plan in advance, know yourself, tackle your threat - nothing is impossible!"

Sky isn’t always bright

Welcome August! 

Here come another opportunity,

Where I let it go again,

Which I’m afraid to face,

So I decided to let it slide. 

Here come the result,

Where it is not as normal as people thought,

Which I already predict it on,

So it is up to me to go through it.

The sky will not always shiny as we thought,

Stay strong, dear self! 

Siapa kau?

 

Kau bukan Tuhan,

Jangan pernah ambil alih kerja Tuhan,

Yang menilai hambaNya,

Yang menentukan aturan pada ketetapannya.

 

Kau bukan malaikat,

Jangan pernah rasa diri lebih mulia,

Malaikat juga pernah melakukan kesilapan,

Malaikat juga berusaha melaksanakan amanah diberikan.

 

Kau bukan syaitan,

Jangan pernah bangga dengan dosa,

Syaitan tahu dahsyatnya neraka,

Syaitan juga tekun menjauhkan kita dari surga.

 

Kau hanyalah seorang hamba,

Jangan pernah lupa tanggungjawab terhadap pencipta,

Lumrah manusia pandai pelupa,

Namun jangan sentiasa alpa.  

#TRW quotes

 

"Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback or failure. 

How did it affect you, 

and what did you learn from the experience?" - Clay Jensen

Trip to Sandakan

Good day readers,

 

Last few weeks, I take a day off from work and having a road trip to Sandakan. This vacation was a last minute plan vacation and Alhamdulillah, all went well. So, my family was already there as they left on Tuesday while I cannot apply last minute leave from my office. Hence, I left on Thur sday night as my leave was approved for Friday only. Here is my short vacation tentative: ~

 

Thursday

- Left work at 6pm, go have dinner around office area

- Book ehailing car, head to Terminal Bas Inanam.

**I choose to go Sandakan by bus as don't have night flight from KK to Sandakan (limited flight as MCO are still on going). My bus ticket was already purchased earlier by my family before they heading to Sandakan. For anyone planning to go Sandakan by bus, things you should know there is only two companies running the bus services to there (Sida and Tung Ma). They operated by turns (today Sida, tomorrow Tung Ma) and last bus is at 8pm. Mind you, once you reached the terminal, you will be surrounded with the bus ticketing agent or shall I said attacked? I'm freaked out and panic at that time because it is still MCO but there is no social distancing practiced by the ticketing person. It's maniac! Once I told them I already have ticket, they back off. Wait at the terminal until almost 8pm, the bus conductor open the door and we queue for health screening (MCO procedure) and depart on the dot. Once the bus moved, the co-pilot will ask each and everyone of us where we want to be dropped. I just stop at the terminal as mum's don't informed me where should I stop. They said there will be a bus inspection by police at Sandakan border (normal procedure, we need to show our identification document) but as I'm aware, there are none at that night. Lucky me, so I slept peacefully during the bus trip. I woke up juga la several time. 

- Arrived at Sandakan at 2am. My parent fetch me up and I continue my sleep at the hotel.

 

Friday

- Breakfast with family at Sri Mersing Restaurant

- Head to Sepilok, watch Orang Utan. Ticket price RM5/pax

**If you want your visit to Sepilok enjoyable, you should visit during the feeding time at 10am or 3pm. You can capture photograph in there using your mobile phone f.o.c but if you bring SLR camera, you need to pay for RM10. Mind you again, bag are not allowed inside the orang utan area. You can stored in the provided locker or at your own car. You can watch Sun Bear also there but you need to purchase different ticket for entrance. We don't go watch Sun Bear as it is scorching hot!

- Visit our uncle and cousins at Sg Manila

- Head to Agnes Keith house. RM2/pax

**Some people said the house is creepy but for me, the house is cool! I love old, traditional house. Spend almost an hour at the house. During our visit, just me and my sister in the house. There is no other visitor and the rest of family members don't want to enter there so they wait at car. Next to Agnes Keith house, got English Tea house where you can have your meal there. But none of my family wanted to go there. Nevermind, I'll visit it in my next trip to Sandakan. 

- Go to Sim-Sim, makan ikan bakar for our lunch! 

**Most people will suggest to go here to eat smoked fish. Cheap they said. I don't know la cheap or not cause I'm not the one who's paying. But what I know, I enjoyed my meal.

- Strolling around Sandakan town and hunting for Sandakan UFO tart.

**If you are a sweet-tooth person, you should go looking for the tart! It is delish! Sadly, most of the café at the town area are running out of stock. So we head to Batu 8 shop, Kedai Roti Mee Ngar. At that bakery shop, only two pieces left! Thank God!

- Back at our hotel, taking nap and performing prayer.

- At night, we heading to our cousin house at Taman Rimba, cook at their house and having dinner there.

- After dinner, I ask my niece and nephew to bring me to Mydin Sandakan, we go buy Boba drinks. Yummehh!

- My brother go for durian hunting and the rest of us just resting at hotel.

 

'

 

  

 

 

 

Saturday

- My cousin go for jogging nearby IJM area (I forgot the place name)

- Having our breakie together

- Go buying the UFO tart again at Mee Ngar

- Dad want to have the sup payau, so we stopped at one restaurant nearby the bakery shop and having our early lunch before we heading back to KK.

- Stop by at Mydin Sandakan, buying few things and visiting my cousin food stall there. 

- Heading back to KK and surprise surprise! There is a police inspection at the border.

**We need to wait for almost half hour I think. They only allowed one side of the road to go through at a time. 

- Stopped at Telupid for prayer and they bought buah Salak sold at the roadside. 

- Reach Ranau around 6pm, we stopped at Pekan Kundasang.

- Having our early dinner at Kelisa café. I suggest my family to try their signature dish 'Sinalau'. 

**Usually people will think sinalau is pork. That's a big no! Sinalau means salai (smoked) in Dusun language. Bakas means boar. But at Kelisa's they only served chicken or meat (cow meat) and it is Halal! The owner is muslim ya!

- Continue our journey to KK after dinner and we reach around 8pm.

 

That's all about my short notice journey to Sandakan. I'm surely gonna revisit Sandakan as there's many places I wanted to go. #dayangbucketlist

 

Yours,

dayangbedt

 

 

 

Kalah dalam Menang?

Adakah kau rasa dunia isinya hanya kau yang punya

Adakah kau lupa ataupun kau buta kau dan aku hamba

Kuasa harta wanita menaburi minda mengotori jiwa dan bicara

Bila bicara bicaranya semua besar

Mendabik dada besar egonya

Lupa diri lupa Pencipta Yang Maha Besar

Hatinya hitam kelam terbungkam

Jiwa tak tenang kalah dalam menang

 

Kemewahan diri bukanlah tanda kehebatan insan

Berteduh dibumi Tuhan

Fikirkan saat nyawa ditarik keluar badan

Tiada siapapun yang tahu Rahsia Tuhan

Siapa dulu pergi dulu mungkin aku mungkin kamu

Kau katakan tunggu dulu

Kau belum 50

Sedangkan kematian laju mengejarmu

Ahh kerasnya hati masih gagal mengerti

Bangunlah dimalam sunyi bertanyakan pada Ilahi

Aku bukan hipnotis Bukan juga ISIS

Jauh sekali extremis

Aku hanya optimis

Hidup sarat protwist

Sama macam sarkis

Dengan Tuhanmu Jangan pernah prejudis

Dalam era penuh depresi

Menanyakan apa yang kau cari

Konon nanya inspirasi

Inspirasi tak pelu kau tercari-cari  

Bangun malam tanya Ilahi

Beribu kali kau di ingati

Hidayah itu milik Ilahi

Mari sini semua dengar ini cerita

Orang kita kata nak senang

Kerna banyak simpan duit

Tapi Islam kata nak senang

Kerna banyak keluarkan duit

Sedekah Amal jariyah

Senyumanmu itu juga satu dakwah

Orang kita Kata sakit itu bala

Tapi Islam kata sakit itu penghapus dosa

Sabarlah walaupun kau sedang kecewa

Biarkan engkau miskin harta dan kuasa

Tapi jangan kau miskin jiwa

- 1

 

"tarik rambut di dalam tepung; rambut jangan putus, tepung jangan berserak"

 

I am calm and have think and rethink my decision. So, here it is. For me, for my self, for my family, for my friends and for all people that crossing path in my life. May the odds will forever in our favour.

 

 

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” —Mark Twain 

Someday You'll Miss Me Like I Missed You

Someday you'll miss me like I missed you.
Someday you'll cry for me like I cried for you.
Someday you'll want me back like I wanted you.
Someday you'll understand why you broke my heart when I didn't.
Someday you'll understand that I was the only girl that put up with all your mess.
Someday you'll know how pain feels, how you hurt me.
Someday your life will turn upside down like mine when you broke my heart.
Someday you'll have someone hurt you like you hurt me.
Someday you'll realize how lonely life can be.
Someday you can sit down and think how much I meant to you
When you meant the world to me.
Someday you'll know how I really felt.
Someday you'll try to come back to me like I tried with you,
But someday you'll love me when I won't love you.

~ A poem by SUMMER

Alive!

I am too distracted with all the losing,

Being way too oriented with the sadness,

Until I forgot to thanks for what I have.

But that’s us, a normal human being,

Easily being out of focus on what we have,

Thanks God for a little reminder that you have send. 

I should be grateful for what I have,

Eventhough the world seems to against me,

All things are out of places,

Being ignored, backstabbed, left behind,

Nevermind! Nevermind then! 

I should pick up myself and be thankful,

Cause I still ALIVE!

Breathing the air.

Yes!

Still alive! 

Terasing

Disebalik senyum,

Tersembunyi segala duka dan lara,

Disebalik paras kegembiraan,

Terselindung segala pedih dan perit hidup,

Yang aku sorok dari pandangan umum. 

Hipokritkah aku?

Namun,

Adakah insan yang mampu mengerti derita ini?

Masihkah ada yang sudi mendengar?

Wujudkah mereka yang prihatin?

Aku hipokrit atau kamu hipokrit?

Mengaku peduli hakikatnya tidak,

Indung yang kusangka sentiasa mengertiku,

Kakanda yang kusangka sentiasa ada disaat aku perlu,

Adinda yang kusangka sudi mendengar keluhanku,

Semuanya dusta!

Ternyata aku terbiar bersendirian,

Aku kini terasing,

Terbiar tidak diendah,

Menanggung sedih yang tidak terperi,

Aku bersyukur masih mampu waras berfikir,

Masih punya iman di dada,

Masih cekal mengharungi liku kehidupan,

Semoga aku tetap tabah menghadapi,

Walau tanpa sokongan di sisi.

#2

F:

Have you ever fall in love?

See her, that’s what people in love do.

She’s the best example of people in love.

Not afraid to show the love to the world.  

I:

Do you know how’s people in love?

People in love tend to do stupid things.

Don’t be in love with somebody you don’t love with.

You don’t have to reciprocate it if you are not into it. 

S:

What makes you in doubt?

Only you know the answer.

You may tell us the other way round. 

But the real answer is in your heart. 

Losing

I started to lose,

Losing one by one that I have,

Losing the confident,

Losing the health,

Losing the trust,

Losing the love,

Losing the care,

From all around me,

And the worst after all is I am started to lose my self,

Piece by piece,

I can feel it.

To mum and dad,

I am sorry. 

 

Aku sang pendosa..

Sungguh aku berasa malu untuk terus berjalan di muka bumi ini,

Layakkah aku terus menerus menikmati nikmatmu ini,

Aku sang pendosa,

Aku sang penderhaka,

Bumi terasa hina untuk aku diami,

Syurga belum tentu tempatku,

Namun tidakku tertanggung seksa jahanammu,

Di manakah selayaknya tempatku?

Aku sendiri buntu.

Satu persatu nikmatmu kau tarik dariku,

Satu persatu kasih disekelilingku kian pudar,

Masing-masing kian menjauh dari genggamanku,

Pudarnya kasih yang dulunya mekar,

Indung yang menyayangi kini mengabai,

Teman di sisi kini menghilang,

Tubuh yang sihat kini lemah dan longlai,

Hanya air mata setia menemani setiap hariku,

Di manakah selayaknya tempatku?

Aku kini hanyalah seperti jasad yang tidak bernyawa.

Aku redha dengan ketentuanmu,

Inilah bayaran yang perlu ku tanggung,

Duka yang aku lalui ini belum tentu mampu membayar semua dosaku,

Akulah sang pendosa,

Yang tidak layak untuk dikasihi,

Andai ajal menjemputku,

Ku pohon maaf buat semuanya,

Aku hanya manusia yang hina. 

This & That

Calm,

Peace,

Tranquil.

This what I wanted right now. 

 

Mixed up,

Jumbled up,

Messed up. 

That what can I describe my situation right now.

 

I pray for the sign,

To ensure what I feel it right.

You provide me the sign.

But which one shall I follow?

This or That?

 

This - where he came to me,

That - where he left me,

Mixed up right?

 

I seek for your help,

To forget if he’s not meant for me.

You provide me the help,

But which one shall I follow?

This or That?

 

This - where I stop to hoping,

That - where he keep on popping.

Jumbled up is it?

 

I ask for the answer,

To be enlighten with the decision.

You provide me the answer,

But which one shall I follow?

This or That?

 

This - where I start to disappear,

That - where he keep on appear,

Messed up enough?

 

Now I know,

You’ve made your decision,

To be with the one you confident,

Thanks for the moment that previously given,

I pray for your best and your happiness,

So long to you and thank you for all,

It is the time for me to rest my case.

Ode to You

Every morning I see your face,
And for that fleeting second I'm in a different place,
A place where we smiled, laughed, and talked,
A place where we could be side by side wherever we walked,
I'm reminded of this each and every day.
Then the sleep clears and it's all blown away.

Realization sets in and I'm all alone.
I quickly have to check my phone
In case you've called or sent me a text.
Then it hits harder as what come next
Is the empty screen with your smiling face
And the emptiness of this forsaken place.

I wither up inside as all my hopes disappear
And the burn in my heart really starts to sear.
I sink back in my bed and think of you
And wonder if there's anything I can do.
I am knocked back every time I try to get through,
And now the decision is up to you.

Leave me out here in the cold and the rain,
Leave me to choke on the tears and the pain,
Missing you every minute of every day,
Loving you more and more in my way.
One day, my love, this will all be like a dream.
I just hope we can dream it together in our place so serene.

~ adapted from poem by Carl Sinclair